I should know by now that life is going to throw you a curve ball from time to time, I guess I should also know that my life has been a series of these unpredictable situations being hurled in my direction for the entirety of it thus far. The past few months have been crazy. And the craziest part is that I am alive and so are all of the members of my family. I have the sensation that I am walking in slow motion away from a hideous accident where you look around to make sure everyone is ok, all limbs accounted for, wiping debris from your face, picking unidentified objects from your hair and suddenly elated that other than a few minor abrasions and some emotional, spiritual nicks, you are no worse for the wear.
Obviously I am not the only human to experience the unimaginable again and again, and for sure my curve balls are minor in comparison to the vast majority of the human race. However as we all experience a tunnel vision of sorts as we walk through this life journey I am no different. As I weathered this most recent storm of a very sick and undiagnosed husband and my own personal health crisis my focus was so inward that as I look back, I have the sense of being encapsulated. Maybe this is God's love and protection--a sort of muffled, fuzzy, white noise that surrounded my periphery. The ability to be hyper focused, yet at times unable to remember.
I do believe that God holds me in the palm of his hand, that he is devoted to me and my family and that through these times he speaks and answers prayer. Our crisis's and valleys allow us to be elated on the mountain tops and molded more closely to His likeness. His best work is done in times of pain--because it is painful to change and be changed.